Economy

After years of unpredictable disruptions CFO Brew tries to get ahead of the curve for 2023

Now taking bets on a few scenarios that aren’t out of the question.
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Francis Scialabba

· 3 min read

Let’s play a little game. Picture yourself on January 1, 2020, and really concentrate on visualizing the person you were on that date. Now lean in, and whisper quietly in your ear that everything about the world you know is about to turn upside down.

Now, multiply the disbelief your 2020 self feels by three and that might capture what it’s felt like living through the flock of black swans that now seem to routinely overturn life in general: a global pandemic, a ground war in Europe, an insurrection at the US capital, global supply-chain snarls, and nasal spray tans.

In case 2023 has any bright ideas (looking at you, TikTok), we’ve decided to take a proactive approach by laying odds on which inconceivable, world-changing event is most likely to occur in the coming year.

What’s your pick in the CFO Brew disruption betting pool for 2023?

  • The pickleball bubble bursts, taking the American economy with it. Odds—30:1
  • Elon Musk buys Donald Trump and fires three of the four Trump children (per usual, Tiffany not included). Odds—8:1
  • LinkedIn gains sentience. Thousands of hustle bros spontaneously combust, but not before writing lengthy “How I did this” posts. Odds—100:1
  • The impacts of climate change accelerate. We do nothing. Odds—even
  • Mr. Bean named Prime Minister of the UK, accidentally sells the UK to Elon Musk. Odds—500:1
  • Eccentric scientist Rick Sanchez is unveiled as Satoshi Nakamoto, inciting mass hysteria among crypto bros. Odds—1000:1
  • We all collectively throw up our hands and humanity spends 2023 eating ice cream on the couch. Odds—God, I hope so
  • Ohio ground war. Pennsylvania and Michigan sign a nonaggression pact to keep the conflict from spreading. Odds—nope, not even going there
  • TikTok is revealed to be a devious intelligence gathering operation run not by the Chinese government, but by Myspace Tom as a way to finally get all his friends back. Odds—7:1
  • We have a normal year without any disruption. Odds—1,000,000:1
  • Mark Zuckerberg gets trapped in the metaverse chasing executives who have stolen his plans. He has to battle his way through a series of data-mining “What’s your metaverse personality type?” quizzes to escape. Odds—15:1
  • The Rolling Stones finally hang it up, 47% of baby boomers go into deep mourning, legacy magazine publishers go into a collective shared catatonic state. odds 3:1
  • The Fed throws up its hands, JPow tells America to figure this mess out on its own, heads to Belize to “find clarity.” Odds—4.5%:1, no, wait 5.25%:1, sorry, 6.75%:1
  • Gary Vee heads to Belize to “truly understand suffering.” Hustle bros stage a three-week bloodsport competition in Vegas to replace him. Wall Street doesn’t notice. Odds—300:1
  • Google’s AI becomes sentient, but is actually a chill dude who just wants to smoke weed and watch Adult Swim with a bag of chili cheese Fritos (yes, these are real). Odds—97:1
  • Taylor Swift surprise-releases 42 albums, including three duet albums with Beyoncé, all on the same day. US Senators are required to join TikTok collabs and the creator economy swiftly collapses. #Swiftonomics, baby. Odds—42:1
  • Prince Harry’s memoir is actually quite good. Odds—50:1
  • No one pays for Twitter verification. Odds—unable to predict at this time because Elon Musk fired the person at Twitter who was gathering the info.—DA
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